Love (and Survival) in the Time of Corona
A guide to anchor yourself in the eye of the storm
Life is feeling eerily similar to the plot of a dystopian drama we casually binge-watched on Netflix not long ago. In only a few months, we’ve faced a near-outbreak of WWIII, a real outbreak of a virus, and now, the infectiously haunting thoughts of global recession on the horizon. We’re living in a wild, strange world; hurled into disarray amidst a myriad of unknown variables — and we’re still fairly fresh into 2020.
As we collectively blunder through our survivalist instinct to fear the unknown, many are looking for a respite from the perpetual anxiety. But if you’d like an alternative to a Netflix-binge or a bottomless meme-feed (while they do indeed have their special place, i.e., #MemeCatharsis) — I have an offering for you.
I’d like to preface this written piece by expressing that I have no intention to downplay the severity of current events. I extend my deepest compassion to all, and especially anyone who has experienced loss of any kind. I myself am a business owner with closed doors and extended family in a country experiencing colossal anguish.
My aim is simply to offer a perspective and practice that I adopted long ago, which I feel has strongly prepared me in coping with my own afflictions throughout this challenging period.
COVID-19 has been a remarkable force of nature.
Disarming, elusive and perplexing, this invisible foe has subdued even the beast that is Capitalism itself.
To anchor ourselves internally during this tumultuous time, gratitude needs to be at the absolute forefront of our minds.
Every choice we make in life, be it the minutiae of our day-to-day or the milestone moves put into play, creates both an internal and external ripple effect.
Gratitude reorients and re-calibrates our internal compass. It tethers us to our purpose, our ability, and our potential in shaping our future.
Operating from this more centered and grounded space within ourselves, we have a tangibly deepened capacity to hold space and show up for our friends, family, colleagues, ourselves — and beyond.
Conscious gratitude is the vanguard in the reclamation of our power.
To uncover the relevance and application of “The Mother of all Virtues”, let’s first deconstruct the current moment to its essence.
For the first time, the world truly shares a common cause: Survival.
Well, not the very first time necessarily. But this is the first truly global issue we’ve faced since the advent of the “Great Oracle” that binds us all: The Internet.
We are both blessed and cursed by the boundless abundance of information at our fingertips. Navigating through contradictory and convoluted material in search of answers can stir up enormous anxiety, on top of the already nerve-wracking pressures we may be facing personally.
Humanity is having a rough go, no doubt. The Novel Coronavirus does not discriminate. It affects every nation, culture, race and class alike. Unifying humanity under its all-encompassing, spellbinding force.
However.
This is a uniquely opportune moment to analyze and reflect upon our species as a whole, and our place within it.
Time is a priceless non-renewable resource — and we seldom feel we have enough. Time, and what we do with it, is the measure of our human potential. This always seems at odds with a world that values industry and production above all else, so receiving a “time-out” like this is breathtakingly rare.
This pandemic is a precipice, and the abyss we’re staring into is posing some questions we’ve rarely faced so palpably and so unanimously:
- How are we using our resources?
- How are we spending the most essential of all resources: our lifetimes?
- How arbitrary can capitalistic values become without human life as their driving engine?
- Are the industries and systems that we engage in sustainable or ethical?
- When the chaotic static of everyday life is hushed to a halt, what truly adds value to our lives individually? As a society?
You could say this feels like a “forced reset” for humankind, one that we were not aptly prepared for whatsoever. Nature has humbled us on its own terms, with a disturbingly potent memento of our interdependence on this planet.
Lest we forget: we are still mammals, born of nature, situated on a spherical rock, meandering through infinite space.
A full distillation of our existence can sometimes feel absurd. Given the delicate balance of the Sun, Moon, and Saturn’s asteroid belt in a constant defense of comets we’d otherwise be getting pummeled by— it’s a miraculous scenario that we’re even here.
On a micro-scale, the revolving door of errands, emails, bills and obligations, is to an adult the equivalent of an iPad to a child. It’s no wonder we’ve disconnected from the essence of mystery that shrouds our very existence.
Though we’ve attempted to build a society laced with features like insurance, security and guarantees (with fine print, of course) — we still live in the natural world. Nothing in life is guaranteed.
The fine print of life is that it comes with only one promise: departure.
When we begin to go down that rabbit hole, however, we start feeling viscerally uncomfortable. Humans, like all creatures, are designed to fear a threat to their livelihood. A brilliant facet of evolution.
As we’ve grown more and more insulated from the natural world, engulfed in our busy-work and our avoidance of impermanence, we’ve become somewhat numb to our inevitable limitations. And ironically, to the most electric of all experiences: the momentary transpiring of life itself.
Feeling fear is inevitable; allowing it to consume your potential isn’t necessary.
COVID-19 has been an undoubtedly negative experience for most of us, to a wide range of degrees so far. Ambiguity around the future certainly isn’t pleasant. We are, collectively, stressed the f*ck out.
However, much of society has been so focused on the inconveniences and potential losses of the outbreak that they are missing a massive opportunity to be rendered present.
Present enough to take stock of their lives and the privileges that they do have in these darker hours. To see where they perhaps had a blind spot and are being prompted to improve.
It is in the moments of complete interruption that lies the greatest fertility in recreating our habits and structures. We don’t typically have the opportunity to sit in existential contemplation, unless we intentionally seek and carve the time for it. And what better place to start than a mandatory quarantine?
While our innate fear of the unknown has its place and can biologically serve as a mechanism to keep us alive, there is a point where its over-dominance destroys us from the inside out, potentially having worse effects than what we worry could harm us. That word we so casually use called “stress?” In excess, it’s known to create inflammation in the body — the vestibule of all disease.
It’s not that our fears aren’t valid at all. It’s that energy doesn’t flow when we dwell on something we have no control over, or on bridges that simply aren’t ready to be crossed.
Frankly put, it’s not a good use of our thought power. It clouds our access to our internal resourcefulness and faculties, thus making everything harder than it needs to be.
“Where your thoughts go, energy flows.”
And who doesn’t want more peace? More free-thinking space?
So how does gratitude come into play?
We can’t be happy every day. But we can be grateful every day.
Gratitude — and I’m talking the real, fully embodied feeling — is considered by many an “antidote to fear”. Though somewhat of an intangibility, it’s very closely tied to the physical sensation of total presence.
To be alive, in its most essential sense, is to be having ‘an experience’. While many things are not within our control, we do have some control over how the experiencing of those variables will land within our psyches. And like any action we ever choose to take, the process begins unfolding in the mind.
Gratitude does not eliminate the fears that we have. But it can filter and redirect the energy behind our thoughts. This frees us to take real steps in centering ourselves which enables us to put forth our best in response to our problems. It is a shift in our perspective that allows us to reclaim the power we do have — and always did have.
We live in a world of dualism, and the time of COVID-19 is no exception.
Scarcity can generate a wide array of heinous behaviors. Some have used this time as an opportunity to exploit others at the crux of their vulnerability. Fraudulent phone calls are rampant, others spread falsities to propel consumers into panic-buying. The grocery isles are stained by the mark of our primitive nature. Humans can certainly get messy.
That said, there are also people on the front lines, making sacrifices to show up everyday. Mustering the courage moment-to-moment, forging head-first into harm’s way for the sake of others. Countless businesses are offering their products or streaming services free of charge. There are innumerable innovations rising to the surface, all sharing the marrow of the most revolutionary human emotion: empathy.
Unprecedented volumes of acts of kindness are taking place in the face of a familiar human terror, now unbridled by our modernized ability to communicate, witness each other, and share resources on a global level— material or otherwise.
We may be feeling isolated, but we also have more conduits to connect than ever before.
So too, in our minds, we can choose to behave either like a virus or like a white blood cell — healing ourselves and restoring balance in our own unique way.
And it starts at the epicenter of our thoughts, with gratitude being the fulcrum point.
“Fear Inversion”: Transforming your fear into leverage
“None is more impoverished than the one who has no gratitude. Gratitude is a currency that we can mint for ourselves, and spend without fear of bankruptcy.” — Fred De Witt Van Amburgh
We all know the terms “silver lining” and “blessing in disguise”, but seldom notice these phenomenons unless in hindsight.
To be grateful for something that isn’t an obvious “positive” in your life may seem counter-intuitive. Yet, if we reflect on our pasts, all of us can find evidence of a struggle that eventually gifted us with enormous strength, perspective, and growth.
In the present moment, where our problems have not yet transpired or seen resolution, gratitude can be harnessed by trusting the fact that humans are, indeed, incredibly capable. We can lean upon the strength of the lineages that we stand upon, acknowledging that they faced hardships unimaginable to us now. The predicaments they were forced to overcome are what birthed the evolved advancements and abilities we have today.
From great calamity comes the opportunity for great innovation, whether it be on a global scale or at the micro-level of digging into our own reservoirs of untapped strength and resilience.
We are allowed to have contradictory emotions. We are human beings, not operation manuals.
Emotions are sensations that we experience and are always temporary. Gratitude, however, is a locus point from which we can implement our choices. Our actions, integrity and convictions are what define us, not our ever-fleeting and transforming sea of emotions. We are allowed to feel fear within us, but choose to direct our decisions from a feeling of empowered gratitude instead.
Gratitude is how we can reorient the channels of our thoughts. The neural pathways we tend to take begin to shift, and this is how we free ourselves to continue moving forward.
What kind of things can we see through a lens of gratitude?
Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.
Complexity is the enemy of execution.
When it comes to being grateful, we can take a glance around and there is almost always a handful of “mundane” things that are astonishingly valuable to our well-being. A copious amount of the amenities, conveniences, and devices we benefit from today were not granted to our relatives even just 50 years ago. Something as essential as running water is not something that many of us ever consciously consider, while so many in the world are still struggling for it.
A threat to our basic needs can be profoundly sobering as we recognize that these basic privileges are indeed, privileges. Our communities, infrastructures and support systems are things we aren’t entirely aware of until we need them most.
The things that we can choose to give thanks for can be as simple as an object that makes our life more convenient, like a car or a dishwasher, or,
- Breathing through both nostrils at once. We all deeply yearn for this when we’re congested.
- Fresh air to breathe with said nostrils.
- A warm, safe space to sleep and dwell.
- Someone, or people that care for us (even if they also annoy the sh*t out of us sometimes).
- The ability to move the incredible machines that are our bodies (even if it’s to exercise — what a MASSIVE privilege).
- The way sunlight feels when it touches our cheeks. Birdsong at dawn. Flora that bursts through concrete. Nature’s ever-divine persistence.
- The trials we endured that fortified our aptitude, our perspective, our character.
Consciously placing our focus on how our lives feel robust and full rather than empty and barren restores us with a broadened perspective and greater sense of control.
How can we implement a “Gratitude Practice”?
It has been proven that a physical state change will create a physiological state change in tandem. Starting your day by pairing your gratitude practice with some sort of movement or stretching is a powerful approach.
Breathwork is also fundamental to any state change. Deep, intentional breathing, even on its own, is a direct passageway to honing our focus.
The mind is like a kite. Our breath is the string.
Take a perch. Settle into yourself. Preferably somewhere consistent. Focus on your breathing, taking note of the quality of it. Acknowledge where you’re at without casting any judgment. Once you’ve established a sense of elevated calm and focus, you can create awareness around 3, 5, 10 or however many things that you are grateful for. Whatever comes to you and feels resonant works, no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’. Writing is also an extremely effective tool in grounding our emotions and clarifying our intentions.
Give your undivided attention to each concept that comes through to the best of your ability. Tune so deeply into each one that your appreciation can be felt permeating your entire being.
The aim here is to carve out the time to be fully present with these feelings, rather than just running through a script.
Authentic gratitude isn’t a sensation that will come simply from thinking the thought; it’s a matter of thought alchemy. Even if you practice conscious gratitude every day, there will be days where you won’t feel innately in tune between your mind, body and spirit. Try to truly slow down, sinking into this state of mind with total awareness. The state change will become more and more accessible with time.
“Thankfulness is the beginning of gratitude. Gratitude is the completion of thankfulness. Thankfulness may consist merely of words. Gratitude is shown in acts.”
— Henri Frederic Amiel
It takes effort, devotion, and consistency. But you’ll know you have gone deep enough with the work when you are flooded you with “feel-good” emotions (think serotonin and dopamine). You will feel “moved” as you alter your state. Naturally, this is the inverse effect of the sensation you’d have if you focused on something that is a source of stress for you for 10 minutes straight (think cortisol).
The more reps you put in with each day, the more leverage you will have moving forward. Your default mindset will shift from a “Victim-Consciousness” mentality to that of “Creator-Consciousness”; a mentality of someone who sees the opportunity to create their reality and reigns control over their response to what happens to them.
We are incredibly adaptive creatures and are capable of creating remarkably impactful things from a seemingly impossible circumstance.
And it always, always starts with the mindset and spirit of that person. Our character and inner resources often hold more power than our external ones.
In Conclusion:
Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human spirit is colored by such impressions.
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.16
Our lives begin in our minds.
In Latin, a sound and stable mastery of one’s mind is referred to as “Compos Mentis”. Cultivating a practice of conscious gratitude will harness a sense of presence, clarity and active participation in our lives. It produces an ‘expansion’ of our thought-power, defying the inherent ‘contraction’ that will compound within us when we hold a fear-based mentality.
Consistency in this practice shifts the default state of our mentality as it re-frames the optics through which we perceive ourselves, as well as the inevitable obstacles that will accompany us on our journey. This renewed level of presence is illuminating and restores our access to the strength and ability that we do have, where we may have felt powerless before. Our lives become more manageable as we learn to innately identify more with our core values and our attitude rather than the reactionary and ultimately transient emotions we experience.
Fears and stressors are less daunting when we acknowledge them but can stay present and grounded throughout the struggle. And not just as a proverbial thought, but in the form of action.
Rather than feeling sorry for ourselves right now or fixating on setbacks, we can find solace in the fact that being resourceful, while still challenging, is more accessible than ever.
“Talent develops in tranquility, character in the full current of human life.” — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
After years of harvesting this ritual and way of thinking, I am less and less swayed by what unfolds in my external landscape. The garden of my mind has been tended to, and I am no longer completely obscured by the wild weeds of primitive thought. My emotions are still prevalent as ever; it is my sense of power and bravery that feels fortified, and has liberated me to move through any chapter with more stability. I have grown to be a stronger partner, daughter, employer and friend. I have grown stronger but also more graceful.
Like any lush and vibrant garden, this requires regular maintenance; a practice that I honor as I clearly witness how much value it’s added to the entire breadth of my life. I am rooted in my own perception, and the world is bigger and brighter than it ever was before.
When in doubt, I find myself pausing to ask, “what would my highest self do?”
Then I try my best, to do just that.
May the adoption of a more grateful mindset enrich your life as much as it has mine. And remember:
“This too shall pass.”
Now read it again until it sticks.
